She observes more than we know.
It started with the name disintegration at Thanksgiving. My concerns about her writing were brought up to the staff as she flitted playfully around her preschool room while we talked. I cried and I made tough decisions.
She noticed.
I didn’t know it at first. It started out innocently with her asking when she would see Dione (her private OT) again. I told her I had to apply for more funding and then we could see her. I figured that was the end of it…..but it came up again.
” I need to see Dione,” she said again randomly one day.
Me: “Oh I know honey, I’m still waiting on funding and hopefully we’ll see her soon.”
Weeks passed.
Again out of the blue she says one day, “Mommy. I NEED to see Dione.”
Me: “Oh sweetie, I know. Hopefully soon. I applied and now I’m just waiting to hear back.”
Crying.
“MOMMY!! BUT I NEED TO SEE HER.”
Me looking confused, “honey, what’s wrong? why?”
Ashlynn talking through tears, “because I need to practice my yetters (letters).”
With my heart breaking in two I give her a hug. I tell her that her letters are perfect, and that she always works so hard and she has nothing to worry about.
That got me thinking though. I am the FIRST one to defend her receptive language, her comprehension. However, apparently I’m also the first one to talk about heavy things in front of her and just assume she was too busy being a kid to notice. Not true…..apparently.
Fast forward a month. Her dad had a bad day at work. Nothing catastrophic, but a pretty tough day. I was relaying it to her grandma (her dad’s mom) one day when she dropped her off for me to take Ashlynn to school. Ashlynn seemingly oblivious, was playing on the curb and sidewalk, jumping down, climbing up, being a kid!
I took her to class and the kids have to “check in.” They get their name and place it under a feeling picture. Ashlynn ALWAYS picks happy. She is happy! However, today, she placed it under sad. “Ashlynn” I say, “you put your name under sad?”
“Yeah, I sad mommy” she said.
“You’re sad?? Why?” I asked.
“I sad for daddy…for his work,” she said.
I absolutely folded. What’s worse, I would have never known she felt sad about what I was telling her grandma if she hadn’t of “checked in” right after that.
Are typical kids able to express these feelings, or do they just stuff them too? Stuff situations they don’t understand, or is it because of Ashlynn’s apraxia? My mom made a good point that Ashlynn would have probably brought it up “out of the blue” eventually like she did her OT and letter concerns.
Maybe.
I don’t know.
All I know, is my child is so much more than you see, what I see, what anyone sees. A five year old shouldn’t have to worry about needing help for writing, or worry that her daddy had a hard day at work. It makes me wonder what else she worries about of which I have no idea.
I love this meme: “Don’t underestimate me because I’m quiet. I know more than I say, think more than I speak and observe more than you know.”
I will try to never underestimate you again, Ashlynn. You were born to move mountains.
