There are no easy answers, only tough choices
I didn’t expect to cry today, yet that’s how the cards fell. I dropped Ashlynn off at school today, and asked her teacher if she had talked to the OT about changing her name card to all capitals per the private OT recommendation given in my last post . Her face kinda dropped and she said she had talked to the OT, but she wanted to talk to the SPED teacher first, could we talk after school?
Oh sure, I said. Inside though, I felt that pit in my stomach. They don’t agree with that. I guess I’ll find out why in a couple of hours.
I went back to school and the SPED teacher, teacher, and SLP were there. The SLP kinda accidentally walked in, but I had her stay. So basically in a nutshell, there are two theoretical professional recommendations for this issue. The SPED and classroom teacher both have research to show that kids need to be writing their name in both upper and lower case because that will be the automatic expectation when they go to Kindergarten. At a recent conference, the teacher said the one of the speakers pleaded that if they are still focusing on uppercase, to please at least expose them to lowercase because lowercase letters are what they will predominantly see in literacy.
The OT’s position (and I ran this past the school OT too who agreed with my private OT) is that developmentally, uppercase letter formation comes before lowercase. Basically, uppercase letters contain more pre-writing strokes like basic horizontal, vertical and diagonal straight lines that are still hard for Ashlynn to visually interpret and copy correctly. It’s a problem with the praxis, or motor plan, not a problem with her perception. So for example if she sees an M she can point to an M not a W, but when she goes to write it, it looks completely messed up.
Hmm. Sounds familiar. Sounds like speech apraxia. She understands what people say. She understands correct and incorrect production, but when she goes to say it, it’s all messed up. Apraxia. Yup. Nothing new there.
Back to the situation though. The SLP voiced what I was thinking She sees writing and literacy almost as two separate entities. Why can’t she write in uppercase but still be taught and exposed to both?
Well, they felt that writing reinforces reading and vice versa.
Okay, but my kid could write her name almost legibly last Thanksgiving, and this Thanksgiving she can’t write it all. Her motor plan is completely confused. Don’t you guys see how concerning that must be to me?
But we’ve gone half the year doing it this way, the teacher said. I keep thinking it’s going to click.
SPED teacher: Yes and again, don’t you want her to practice this early so she gets extra time with these skills? She needs to be writing two sentences with correct punctuation, which includes capitalizing the first letter….by the end of Kindergarten.
Insert lump in throat. I can’t talk.
We just want to get her ready for Kindergarten. That’s our job.
Me: Lump still in throat. “So, I’ve been told by experts in writing development that they must learn uppercase before lowercase. I have personally seen the regression in writing her name. I’m not talking about literacy. I’m talking about writing, and, do you think, I mean, I hate to say this but
this is hard for me to even say but
Is it really realistic to think that Ashlynn will be able to learn 52 graphemes by the time she hits Kindergarten when it took her a year to consistently write 5, and now those are gone?
Silence
It kills me to say this. I WANT to say that by having THREE years in Pre-K she would be Kindergarten ready, and now I have to say, out loud to you all, that writing both uppercase and lowercase letters is just not in the cards for her right now. I hear your research and I appreciate it, but my daughter has GLOBAL apraxia. Have any of you actually had a child with global apraxia?
Crying. Nope, not one of them had. Neither had I, until now. Ashlynn is our guinea pig, but she’s MY daughter. What do I do?
The teacher folded slightly and said she was willing to do whatever I decided, but she did want it to be consistent across disciplines so that she gets the most bang for her buck. We all kinda left with a question mark and promise to consult with various professionals and come back with our recommendations.
I left and cried again.
Such is my journey in GLOBAL apraxia. When I asked them if they had ever had a student with global apraxia, they all had to admit they hadn’t. I started thinking. I hadn’t either, except recently. One out of my 6 kids with apraxia have it globally. Most have other soft signs, but only one has it everywhere. The three I saw in the schools before Ashlynn only had verbal and some fine motor issues.
Wow. I guess since I’m part of a support group online, I don’t see it as rare as it really is. This is rare.
REALLY, REALLY RARE.
Sucks.
I spent the last 2 plus years thinking if we could resolve the speech, she would be ready for Kindergarten. I’ve read many books. Speaking of Apraxia is a popular book, but yeah…only dealing with CAS and SPD. Not global apraxia.
My daughter fits into two columns: her can do’s, and her cannot’s. My husband usually lives in the can do’s, and I live in the cannot’s. Why? I guess because I feel so crazy responsible for getting her from the cannot to the can, but then when I get to the can, I immediately give a sigh of relief and then go back to the cannot column to work on the next goal.
It sucks, and today was low. I had to admit out loud that I can’t remediate the cannot column, because that column contains more than speech. It’s just too much. To be honest, the speech was too much too, it’s just that I felt such responsibility and I went on an exhausting mission to specialize in it. However, I can’t specialize in it all.
I’m vulnerable now. I have to be a mom now, and I tell people all the time mom’s are the expert on their child, despite all the experts on the various disorders their child might have. So, I’m taking my own advice, and it’s scary, because what if my decision negatively impacts her entire academic career.
But, here we are. Here we are, and I have decided, and I’ve felt all along, the experts in writing, the OT’s, know what they are talking about when it comes to writing, and Ashlynn needs to stick to upper case for writing.
That said, she will continue to be exposed to both uppercase and lowercase letters, but to write…we have to stick with uppercase.
I wish there was a cookbook. Heck, I wish there was some credible info on GLOBAL apraxia.
For now though, I have to trust my mommy instinct, and my mommy instinct say that although I wish to God…I would wish my life on this Earth that Ashlynn could learn like the other students and handle both upper and lower case; deep down, I know she can’t. At least not yet. I know I have to just stick with the uppercase until mastery, and then when she masters it, we’ll cross the lower case bridge when we get there.
No one said life would be easy, only that it would be worth it, and she is worth it. There are no easy answers, only tough choices, and today was very hard.