SLP Mommy of Apraxia

Tag: CAS

  • Just love

    Just love

    It’s really not ok to develop a severe disliking for a child.  They are, after all, just a child.  However, there is a little girl at Ashlynn’s school who is very hard to like.  She’s rude, rolls her eyes, and bosses Ashlynn around.  She has mocked my son (who’s a baby) when he was talking, refused to say “hello” to Ashlynn even as Ashlynn greets her with a cheerful “hello,” and demanded Ashlynn stop hugging a little boy in her class among other things.  All of this has happened in the first five minutes before school started, so I can’t help what wonder how this girl is to Ashlynn the rest of the day; and my anger stemming from somewhere in the depths of me, begins to rise giving way to some not so nice feelings toward this little girl!

    The other day for the class holiday party, I couldn’t go so it was just my husband and Ashlynn.  Feeling like I was missing out, I text messaged him begging for a picture.  He took the most adorable picture of Ashlynn.  I smiled as I saw it, and then I saw she was sitting next to……that girl.  Why?  “Why is she sitting next to this little girl who has an attitude problem and is ALWAYS rude to her?” I huffed in my mind.

    Well today, as I dropped her off for school, we were once again graced by the little girl’s rudeness.  She refused to say hello, and only spoke to tell Ashlynn to get away from the door, declaring SHE was first.  Ashlynn backed away and the girl with an air of haughtiness gestured, “YOU can get behind me.”

    Okay really??  She’s four!  What the heck!  Ashlynn sweetly nodded her head and answered “yes?”  Of course since she was in fact there first, there wasn’t much I could say, as the rules of preschool are very black and white.  However, the rules of preschool don’t dictate my feelings, which were only growing into more of a cancer now.

    As I left the school, I called my mom asking her how she dealt with these problems?  My kid’s only four and I’m already mad at her “friends” and developing hate for a mere child.  I need to get it together.  My mom had great advice, including “let go and let God.”  She also reminded me that in life we all have to deal with these people at different times, and unfortunately, our kids have to learn that too even though it may hurt us.  She made me feel better, and I thought I had put it to rest.

    I started thinking though. Ashlynn has only love in her heart.  She’s the target, not me; and yet she still tells her hello everyday with a big smile.  She still hugs kids when they want hugs (or maybe even if they don’t), and she still sits with her at a party, possibly because no one else will.  I know it wasn’t because she doesn’t have any friends, because all the teachers assure me frequently how well liked Ashlynn is and how she is friends with everyone.  I realized I needed to take a tip from Ashlynn.  There is no room for hatred in our heart.  Love is not only easier, but it’s kinder and makes us feel better.  This little girl is unhappy, but Ashlynn always has a smile.  She has a smile because she dismisses the eye rolling, the lack of manners or social etiquette, and just wants to love.  If Ashlynn can love so simply, than so can I.

    She’s a real class act that Ashlynn.

  • Christmas 2013 updates

    Christmas 2013 updates

    It’s Christmas 2013, and my daughter is 4years, 2 months.  It was a magical time this year with her talking more and being able to jump.  So much is conveyed through jumping and talking.  We did the Elf on the Shelf this year, and each day she would get out of bed and ask, “where’s elf?”  When she found him, she would point (something that took until she was more than two to do) and jump (another motor milestone that took until 3 to do).  Add the speech, “There he is!!” and her excitement was communicated fully for the first time this Christmas!  As a parent, that is literally all you want to see.  You want to see the excitement in your child, and then their wonder as they play with their new presents. 

    Apraxia affects ALL of that.  If you’re not a parent of a child who has it, you just cannot understand.  She smiles in the pictures (though it has to be genuine because she still has difficulty smiling on command), and she is holding her toys (though a picture doesn’t show how she can’t operate AND steer her car, or pedal her big wheel, or put the baby clothes on her dolls), and she looks completely normal; but if you are there with her, you not only see her struggles, but as a parent, you FEEL them as well.

    This Christmas was a mix of feelings.  At seeing her jump and point, we FEEL her excitement.  At forgetting how to pedal and not being able to ride the big wheel, we FEEL her frustration and disappointment.  At opening baby clothes that she actually asked Santa for (“I want clothes….for my baby…baby clothes”) we FEEL her success at telling Santa for the FIRST time what she wanted and not what someone else had suggested, and when she opened the clothes, we FELT her elation.  As she tried to put it on and finally gave up and had to ask us to “play babies with me” we FELT her resignation to her apraxia. 

    There are not words to convey the roller coaster that is apraxia.  There are no words to convey how you literally feel everything your child feels; which is why every parent says they would wish hard things on them if only they’re child didn’t have to experience it. 

    However, this is not a story of sadness or defeat.  This is an update of triumphs and successes, and how this year is better than the last.  In years to come, these years will be faded memories as she will have struggled and defeated all of her difficulties. We will literally be the proudest parents when she achieves every success, and we will love her through them all.

  • Check out my Q & A with “Trust Me, I’m a Mom: Let’s Talk Tuesday!

    Check out my Q & A with “Trust Me, I’m a Mom: Let’s Talk Tuesday!

    Today I’m so excited to be a guest blogger on Trust me, I’m a Mom: Let’s Talk Tuesday.  Please check it out!

    Trust Me, I’m a Mom: Let’s Talk Tuesday – Q&A With An SLP & Mommy of Ap…: ‘Let’s Talk Tuesday’ is a bi-weekly post series with ideas on how you can help your child of any ability, but especially those with Apraxia.

  • Happy Birthday Song! Ashlynn turns four

    Happy Birthday Song! Ashlynn turns four

    Ashlynn turned four this past weekend and my husband and I were just beaming with pride.  Last year, she couldn’t blow out her candles, sing the Happy Birthday Song, much less even say Happy Birthday.

    When she woke up in the morning, balloons were waiting for her in our hallway.  Before she hit the bathroom she excitedly said “BAYOONS!!”

    As she stepped in the kitchen, we had a Minnie Mouse Birthday banner, tablecloth, and big balloon decorating the kitchen.  She could not stop talking!  “Minnie right there, and Minnie right there, and Ashlynn”s Happy Birthday!”  When my husband came out in the kitchen she called “Look daddy!  Minnie! Ashlynn’s Happy Birthday!”  When he asked her how old she was, she proudly held up four fingers and pronounced “fowa.”  She just recently has been generalizing the ‘f’ and she said it correctly without any cues. Also, last year, the motor plan to hold up the right amount of fingers just wasn’t there; but this year, with a little planning, she pulled in her thumb and held up all four fingers.  My husband and I exchanged looks of pride knowing what the other was thinking, without having to speak a word.

    When we got in the car to go the Pumpkin Patch, all by herself we heard a happy little voice coming from the backseat, “Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to ASH – IN, Happy Birthday to you!”  This time when we exchanged looks, we both had a little tear in our eye.

  • God Bless Grandma Green

    God Bless Grandma Green

    Ashlynn’s Great Grandma Green has been out for about a week now visiting. This isn’t the first time Ashlynn has met Grandma Green. She usually comes out in October each year to stay with Ashlynn’s Grandma Smith who is of course her daughter. 

    Last year she bought Ashlynn a dress for her Birthday that was purple with big colored polka dots that was instantly her favorite. Unfortunately, at that time, Ashlynn didn’t have many words. She couldn’t really express how much she loved the dress (besides pointing to it when she saw it in the closet), she couldn’t say I love you, and actually, she couldn’t say grandma and mama the same way at that time, which meant she couldn’t even expressively differentiate between any of the maternal women in her life.
    This year though, is different. Oh what a difference a year makes. Grandma Green has only been here a week, but each day I picked Ashlynn up after work, she was sitting as close to her hip as possible. Today, circumstance would have it that she could go out to lunch with just her and her two Grandma’s. When she got back, she once again kept trying to get close to Grandma Green, asking her, “Read this book?” Or “Ashlynn sit here?” She still confuses names, and in a sentence may call Grandma “Mama” or Grandma Green (Dama Deen ) “Grandma Smith (Dama Smi).” We all would have to pause frequently saying, “wait, who am I?” 
    However, there was no mistaking tonight who made a guest appearance in her nightly prayers. We usually go through and say, “God bless daddy, mommy, Jace, and Sahara.” Then, depending on the day and who she was with, I add names of the Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, etc. Half the time I have to remind her to include Cody and I!
    Well tonight, I started out, “God bless…..” As I waited for her to fill in the blank, out popped “Dama Deen.” I couldn’t believe it! She has never added anyone novel before without me modeling it first! Heck, half the time she forgets her parents or Jace! Well, tonight, she finally had found the words to express her love for Grandma Green, in a simple prayer to our Heavenly Father. I really don’t know how much bigger it gets than that. 
    She still has few words, but with them, she expresses profound things.  God bless “Dama Deen.”

  • Superhero Brave

    Superhero Brave

    For those of you familiar with my blog, I’ve spoke of “Ben” before. A little boy on my school caseload from a Spanish speaking family who has CAS and is nonverbal. However, IQ testing shows him in the 75th percentile! He’s sooo smart. I met him last year in Kindergarten, and we formed an instant bond.

    His Kindergarten teacher was frustrated that he wouldn’t talk; and I’m not sure if she felt it was a reflection on her, but she really wasn’t that supportive of him.
    This year is different! He has a new teacher and she sees what I see, what I saw. She’s sees a smart, friendly, lovable little boy who wants to talk, but just needs people to believe in him and boost his confidence. Every time I see her she starts a sentence with, “you won’t believe this” or “I LOVE him.” Yesterday she told me she believes this year is going to be HIS year. Starting from the first day when she was going around having kids do introductions, she frowned upon getting to Ben and having the other children speak up and say, “Oh he doesn’t talk.” She immediately stuck up for him, telling the other children yes he did talk and that people talk in different ways. Some use Spanish, some English, some use their hands, some use gestures, and some use devices.
    Ben’s corners of his mouth got just a little bit wider.
    Another day, one of the kids noticed that Ben appeared to be talking to the class frog and remarked, “Look! I think Ben is talking!”
    Her reply?
    “Of course he’s talking! Didn’t I tell you Ben talks?”
    Ben’s chest puffed out just a little bit further.
    And then there was today. The icing on the cake.  I picked him up and she calls me over to brag about an assignment he finished first and attempted to share with the class. Picking up on her hint, I praised him loudly in front of the other children. As we leave the too, a little classmate returning from the bathroom enthusiastically called, “Bye Ben!” Now Ben knows how to say bye with perfect clarity. In fact, he says it to me everyday. He pressed his lips together, but the anxiety was too much and the boy left before Ben uttered a sound. I decided to scratch the lesson plan for that day, and instead I asked him if he knew what brave meant.
    I had him draw a picture of someone he thought was brave and I told him I would do the same. We sat at different tables, and I told him not to peek.
    When he was finished, he drew a picture of Hulk and Captain America. I asked him why they were brave and with a smile he pantomined strength and then pantomined a sword motion. I verified he thought they were brave because they were strong and had swords to which he eagerly nodded his affirmation. I then wrote on the back that Hulk and Captain America are brave because they are strong, have swords, and I added they fight bad guys. He tapped my arm and held up three fingers. I said, “three bad guys?” to which he nodded apparently satisfied.
    He then pointed to my picture. I asked him if he wanted to see mine and he again nodded yes. As he looked at a picture of a little boy with a blue school uniform, he looked at me puzzled. I asked him, “Don’t you know who this is?” Ironically, I had also just happened to also draw him holding a sword fighting a word bubble in his head! What luck!
    “It’s you Ben.”
    His eyes lit up and he pointed to himself incredulously.
    “Yes” I said. “You are my superhero because even though talking is so scary, you still try, and that’s what makes you brave.”
    Now that smile was a full blown grin.
    I went onto tell him I needed him to be even more brave than he already was though. I needed him to be superhero brave when it’s time to talk. We then stapled the pages and walked back to class.

    At the end of the day, the Facebook support group had convinced me to tell his parents about the lesson; and since they only spoke Spanish, I decided to go out with the teacher at dismissal and have her translate. When I walked in the classroom, all the kids were sitting on the carpet with their backpacks on their backs in preparation to go home.  In the middle was Ben, with his backpack on, but our book in his lap. It did mean something to him!  As luck would have it, BOTH parents came to pick him up that day.  As the teacher translated, his mother choked up and gave him a big hug as they left to go home.

    Now his chest was puffed out just about as far as it go!  That’s what superhero brave is all about!