SLP Mommy of Apraxia

Category: Pain

  • Having an Apraxia Sister is Hard.

    Having an Apraxia Sister is Hard.

    We are in the middle of a pandemic called COVID 19. 

    History books will write of it, and you will have remembered living it. 

    The Corona Virus – or COVID 19 put the world to a stand still.  Never before in the history of my lifetime or even your grandparents lifetime had the world come to a stop as it did in 2020. 

    Everything you could imagine was cancelled. 

    Basketball. Swimming.  School. Church!! When I was a child church was never cancelled. It was a phenomenon never before seen. 

    You’re Aunt Kris is a certified teacher and we were beyond blessed to have her teach you while me and daddy worked.  I had a schedule full of remedial skills to ensure you wouldn’t regress; however Kris tweeked the schedule and provided quality instruction that helped you learn.

    Even so…in the midst of it, you and Ashlynn were rough housing.  I told you to stop multiple times as I was worried someone would get hurt. On this particular day you two were rough housing normally but Ashlynn ended up flipped over from the couch slamming her head on the tile.  After telling you two calmly and numerously to not fight my patience flew out the window and I snapped at Jace, “What is wrong with you??? Go to your room!!”

    As he ran to his room he cried, “I’m sorry Ashlynn!.”

    Ashlynn was wailing.  I was scared. She doesn’t cry over physical pain.  She doesn’t.  For her to be crying I was extra worried she was even extra hurt.

    “Having an apraxia sister is hard.” 

    He didn’t say it with contempt.  He didn’t say it with anger.  He said it matter of fact with a tinge of sadness.  I asked him what was hard about it. He hung his head and said,

    Everything.

    I didn’t know what to do but to validate him and hug him.  I told him I knew it was hard, and I was sorry. It’s hard for her too having all of her disabilities.  It’s hard on me too. But this family does hard things.

    And that was that.  He left and went back to playing. Playing with HER. He’s a good kid my Jace.

    Laura Smith, M.A. CCC-SLP is a 2014 graduate of Apraxia Kids Boot Camp, has completed the PROMPT Level 1 training, and the Kaufman Speech to Language Protocol (K-SLP). She is the author of Overcoming Apraxia and has lectured throughout the United States on CAS and related issues. Currently, Laura is a practicing SLP specializing in apraxia at her clinic A Mile High Speech Therapy in Aurora, Colorado.

  • Diagnosis, Disability, and Finding your Tribe

    Diagnosis, Disability, and Finding your Tribe

    ​Parenting children is hard.  That isn’t a secret.  Parenting a child with a disability has even extra challenges that shake us to our core.

    I have a daughter with special needs and numerous learning challenges.  When she was almost three, she received her first diagnosis of Childhood Apraxia of Speech, a rare and severe speech disorder in children.  That was the beginning of many a “dark day” in my parenting journey with her.  I remember putting her in her car seat, tears in my eyes as her bright blue eyes smiled back at me and seemed to ask, “why are you crying?”  I sobbed that day.  I cried for so many reasons.  Fear, uncertainty, guilt and confusion.  I texted a friend I was devastated, and I truly felt like I had the wind knocked out of me.

    Slowly I found a community of parents who had children with apraxia as well; and I started to feel hope again.  I started to believe what was possible for their children was possible for mine as well.  I found my tribe, as I like to say.  All these parents understood me, my daughter, our challenges and the significance of our small successes!  I discovered there was a walk to honor kids like mine and spread awareness.  I connected with others in my community and no longer felt alone.  I no longer felt devastated but instead felt blessed by the friendships I had formed.

    My daughter has went on to receive multiple and additional disabilities since that first one of apraxia.  I can’t lie.  Each new diagnosis, report, or low test score feels like a punch in the gut all over again.  However, we have our people now.  We have our tribe.  We have others who understand.  They understand that sometimes you are in such a state of deep grief you can do nothing else but cry and cannot face the world that day.  We also know that stage doesn’t last, and when a member of our tribe is down, we will rally around them and be ready to pick they back up when they are ready to face the day again.

    I learned that some of my darkest nights were followed by the most glorious sunrise; and I found that sunshine in the community around us.  No one should suffer alone.  No matter the struggle, we should all find others who understand our unique situation in the world.  For us, community was the light that found its way into the dark tunnel of grief and showed us the way out.

  • Resiliency: A letter to my child

    Resiliency: A letter to my child

    My dear child,
    I want you to know that you can do and be anything you choose to be.  You are the master of the sea, and as was told to us in scripture “I can do anything in Christ who strengthens me.” 

    You need to remember you were BLESSED with life.  When God breathed his breathe into you, He knew EXACTLY what he was doing.  Remember you have a gift, and your purpose in life is to find your gift and use it to help others.

    You will likely struggle to learn throughout your academic life, but never confuse struggle to learn with being ABLE to learn.  You are living proof how powerful the human spirit is and how anything is possible when a person refuses to give up.  You have taught ME so much about facing and overcoming fears, and I know what it means now when people say FEAR can be two definitions:

    1. Fear Everything And Run
    2. Face Everything and RISE

    You will never have to face anything though alone.  I will always be here for you.  When I’m hard on you it’s only because I believe in you and KNOW you can do it.  Always know this about yourself too.

    The sign that someone is alive is that they experience good times and bad times, but bad times never come to stay: They come to PASS.  If we can stay strong, relying on God as our compass, and truly having faith as small as a mustard seed as he has taught us; we can overcome every obstacle that is put in our way.  Not only can we overcome it though, we can learn and grow from it.  Running from pain is not the answer.  It’s the pain that will take us to the next level if we have the courage to face it straight on.  In this way, we are truly living as God wanted us.  If we can face the pain head on, the joy waiting on the other side will be a force much stronger and better than our heartache.

    Sometimes in life, or maybe many times, you will feel like life has backed you into a corner.  You will feel at times like giving up.  You might listen to a little voice inside your head telling you lies.  You will know they are lies when they say anything except how you have greatness within you.  Remember, the bible tells us we were fearfully and wonderfully made, made in God’s very own image and likeness.  Therefore any negative talk or self-doubt is a lie.  Recognize it as a lie and replace it with something that you KNOW you are.  You are strong.  You are kind.  You are courageous.  You face every challenge head on.  You have NEVER NOT been able to overcome anything that was in your way.  Always remember this and dismiss the rest.  Remember that you can.  You will.  You must.

    Life will not be easy, but it’s not easy for anyone.  Life is meant to be lived and to experience both the joys and pain.  If life has you down one day, I need you to promise me you will not give up.  You will not give in.  You will not let it beat you.  Instead, you will get up like you always have and live your purpose.

    It’s going to storm sometimes.  I WILL

    It’s going to hurt sometimes. I WILL

    It’s going to feel like you can’t sometimes.  I WILL

    You’re going to feel like giving up sometimes. I WILL

    You’re going to say I can’t sometimes.  I WILL

    Someone hurt you deeply.  I WILL

    Just keep telling yourself

    I WILL

    I WILL

    I WILL

    Too many people give up.  It’s easier to give up.  What’s not easy is to keep going.  You’re not a giver upper though. If it were easy, everybody would do it.  If life has you down, I need you to get up, and prove them wrong.  Remember, just when the caterpillar thought he would die, he turned into a butterfly.  We will never know we can fly, if we don’t push ourselves through the pain.

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