Category: Childhood Apraxia of Speech

  • If you have been helped by this site at all, please give a #highfiveforapraxia

    If you have been helped by this site at all, please give a #highfiveforapraxia

    I originally started this blog as a way to spread awareness, and maybe commiserate with or even help others on this journey with me.

    As a parent and an SLP, I have readers now who are also both.  Hopefully there has been something you have found useful on my blog.  I have thought before about trying to make money and monetizing my blog, but I personally hate pop up ads, and I feel they would distract from what I wanted this website to be about.

    Hope
    Education
    Information
    Awareness
    Understanding

    A lot of the information in this blog would not be possible because it would not be available, without all the work CASANA has done.  I used to think CASANA was this huge non-profit.  It’s not.  They work tirelessly beyond their 40 hour work week and are absolutely passionate about their mission.

    When many people think of charities, they immediately think of the big ones.  I mean, I did too.  March of Dimes, St. Jude’s, The Komen Foundation,  etc etc.  I’m not here to discourage you from donating to these worthy causes, but I am here to ask you to also donate to the smaller ones too.  Helping kids literally find their voice is an incredible and life changing gift.  The reality is, some kids with apraxia will NEVER develop intelligible speech, and this is even more true if they don’t have access to appropriate therapy…..research based therapy that is only now getting done because of CASANA’s efforts.

    Let’s face it.  It’s hard to get people to care about a rare disorder, much less donate to it or fund research toward it.

    My daughter is where she is today because of CASANA.  Seriously.  If you are my client, or if you have ever called or emailed me and thanked me for taking the time to talk to you, thank CASANA.  I’m simply paying forward the kindness and absolute selflessness of the foundation, because that same time and attention was given to me from them as well…..for FREE.

    Isn’t that worth $5.00?  Just $5.00.  That’s a latte.  That’s a happy hour drink.

    If you find any worth in this blog at all, a $5.00 donation to CASANA would seriously mean the absolute world to me.

    Here’s the link and thank you as always for following along.  

    http://casana.apraxia-kids.org/give

    Laura

    Here’s a video of me speaking it.
    https://www.facebook.com/ApraxiaKIDS/videos/10154284866444107/

  • All it takes is a spark, to light a match, to ignite a fire.

    All it takes is a spark, to light a match, to ignite a fire.

    Once upon a time, there was an 18 year old girl who received a full ride scholarship to her local metro university.  She took public transportation to get there since she couldn’t afford parking, and simultaneously worked 30 hours while going to school full time.  Each day she walked onto the train, she wasn’t sure she would actually receive her bachelor’s degree, but she decided she would take it day by day, one step at a time, and see where life led.

    One day, 4 1/2 years later, she boarded the same train with a cap and gown in hand riding to the downtown convention center.  This center, the location of her graduation from Metro State University for a Bachelor of Arts degree in Speech Communications.

    She could hardly believe it.  Walking across the stage, surreal. She had accomplished something she was never sure she would achieve, and it felt awesome.  This was the end of her academic career to be sure.  Though her emphasis was in disorders and she had taken the coursework to be certified as a Speech/Language Pathology Assistant, she would use her umbrella “Speech Communications” degree to now move up in the car dealership in which she was working to become the customer relations manager.

    Insert recession.  The car dealership was turned upside down.  Future plan….shattered.

    Cue phone call from local school district inquiring about an interview as she was one of the few to complete the SLPA certification and they would like to interview her for a new position.

    Complete interview and accept new position.

    Introduce Deborah Comfort and Roberta Fehling.  Two seasoned SLP’s.  Pioneers.  Feminists.  Glass ceiling breakers.  I was to work under them.  They both would laugh at this description, but I can tell you I was in awe of them.  I didn’t even think I would complete my bachelor degree and I’m a millennial.  These were two baby boomers who had not only completed their Bachelor Degrees but had Masters Degrees.

    The Spark

    I was inspired by them.  Their accomplishments ignited a spark in ME.  A spark, I wasn’t yet willing or ready to realize.  I tried to push it down and blow it out.  Graduate school wasn’t meant for people like me.  I grew up in a humble and modest home, with a common phrase of my dad’s being “poor people have poor ways” and I can tell you, graduate school is NOT one of them.

    Long story short, they both believed in me.  They both urged me to continue my education, but there was no money for grad school and women like them wouldn’t understand that “poor people have poor ways.”

    Deborah decided to push harder.  I arrived to work one day with her personal recommendation letter along with applications and GRE dates to get into graduate school.  I remember scanning the paperwork and then scanning her face.  She really believed in me that much, and just to be clear, Deborah was TOUGH.  I knew she didn’t do this to just anyone.  Why did she believe in me, I wondered.  Could I really be like her and have a professional degree and job?

    The flame.

    I applied to one distant learning school so I would still be able to work and earn an income.  It’s hard to get into graduate school for speech, and most applicants apply to many schools.  Oh well,  if I didn’t make it, it wasn’t meant to be, I reasoned.

    Well, here I am, so I guess you know by now I made it.  I completed it. However, I never attended the graduation ceremony……. and I regret that.

    This past year, the American Speech/Language Hearing Association (ASHA) which is the governing body that certifies SLP’s, gave me an award for media outreach champion for my encounter and subsequent press coverage of Ronda Rousey and Childhood Apraxia of Speech.  I was to be recognized at the annual ASHA conference in November.  I wanted to go sooooo bad, but finances aren’t great.  Therapy, and doctor copays for a child with global apraxia are pretty crippling.  There were other personal circumstances as well that made it seem out of reach.

    I kept thinking about how I regretted missing my Master’s degree graduation. It felt silly, but I didn’t want to regret another thing.  Have you ever heard of this by Paul Coelho?

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    I believe it.  Oh my goodness do I believe it.  Problem is, I have to be willing to listen to the Universe.

    Case in point?  My husband’s incredibly giving extended family from out of state offered to pool their money and pay for it knowing we were kinda strapped for cash in this particular time of our lives.  I rejected it.  I felt it was charity and if I really wanted to go I could charge the entire thing on a credit card.  They offered one last offer, and I STILL declined it.

    I was talking to someone about it, and she challenged me on this.   She urged me to accept the offer with grace, knowing I would make the same offer to someone else if I were in the position to do so.

    Yes, of course I would, but I don’t know.  It still felt silly.  Accept money from people so I could go receive an award?  It seemed self-serving and somewhat selfish.  I can’t say it didn’t poke at me though.

    A good friend and fellow apraxia mom Linda Power, offered to go and pay for the hotel.  She had lived in Philly for a time, knew her way around, and was excited to go back.  In this way, I would have a companion, and would only have to pay for the price of my plane ticket and ASHA registration.

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    Hmm….that offer was tempting.  Plus, I don’t believe in coincidences.  What a coincidence Linda lived in Philly for four years and she’s a close friend of mine and would like a quick girl getaway.  Hmmm…November happens to be my birthday month.  I could ask everyone to just give me money instead of presents to pay for my plane ticket.

    I asked my mom if that was rude.  She didn’t think so, so there we were!  Philadelphia, Pennsylvania!

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    SUCH an amazing time!

    The fire

    I attended the ASHA convention last year, and I never thought to attend the award ceremony, which is ironic, because it’s the ONLY reason I went this year and that’s only because I was part of it.

    I left soooooo inspired.  I heard story after story of SLP’s in the field and their lifetime accomplishments.  The stories were personalized and part of a video montage.  Each story was unique and touching.  I had tears and Linda had tears.  I couldn’t believe this girl from Colorado who never truly believed she would finish college was sitting in a room with these esteemed people.  If you ever attend ASHA, I highly recommend going to the award ceremony.  It will make you proud to be in this field.

    Also, it made me want to do even better.  It made me want to aim even higher.  More importantly, seeing the stories of these ordinary people who did extraordinary things, made we want to be more like them.

    I don’t know what the future holds.  I guess I’ll just do what I have always done, starting from that highschool graduate who stepped foot on public transportation to go to college.  I’ll keep putting one foot in front of the other, day after day, because if I do that, I don’t know where it will take me but it takes me further than I am now.  It take me further AND my sweet girl Ashlynn.  Kids learn through example, or I learn from her.  It seems like a mutual enterprise in this house.

    That’s what she does though.  She wakes up every day putting one foot in front of the other, and for her, even THAT simple act isn’t easy….yet she does it.  So again, I have to ask myself,

    What’s my excuse?

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  • Feels like we’re falling down the hill again…..

    Feels like we’re falling down the hill again…..

    I’ve been sad.  Really sad.  What’s the point in sugar coating it.  It’s interesting, because I didn’t really start blogging until after we were really seeing progress in Ashlynn’s speech.  I was able to be upbeat and positive in most of my posts.  Sure there were some sad ones, or some angry ones, or some worried ones, but for the most part, I was feeling and had been until recently,  pretty optimistic.

    I can assure you though, I had very, very, VERY dark and sad days.  Days I felt the worry would consume me.  Days I felt the guilt and the weight would be too heavy and I would have to admit I didn’t do enough.  I didn’t help her enough, and then I would be upset about this potential future outcome and obsess over what I could do more to help her.  It’s a vicious cycle I tell you.

    Ashlynn has now overcome my greatest fear.  She can speak.  She will be an intelligible speaker and she will be a verbal communicator.  She will probably be slower.  She will probably have continued word finding issues, but she will speak.  For so long when she wasn’t speaking, I would imagine a hill.  At the top the hill, was the trophy, which was intelligible, verbal, communication.  As she failed to gain speech, I felt like each day had us slipping further down the hill.  I was desperate and worried.  How would we ever catch up?  At least if we were climbing the hill, I have hope.  However, it felt we were grasping yet slipping, and then stumbling even further back….and that feeling friends, is probably one of the worst feelings  you can feel as a parent.

    I haven’t faced “the hill” in awhile.  I mean I have, but at least not in a negative way.  We have been steadily climbing the hill.  We have been getting closer and closer to the top.  In fact, in regard to speech, we reached the top.  Language is still an issue, but we are closing in.  I see the prize.

    Then came school…more specifically, reading.  Writing.  I found us on a new hill, and on this hill, we are very, very far down.  Through Kinder, though I felt we weren’t necessarily closing the gap, it also didn’t feel like we were tumbling backwards either.

    Enter 1st grade.  Commence tumbling.  Commence somersaulting.  Down.  Down.  Down we went.  The pace of the classroom curriculum is VERY fast.  Too fast.  We need about 1000x more repetitions than the typical peer, and honestly, there just isn’t that many hours in a day. I have had to face some very, VERY uncomfortable, okay painful truths, with the main one being this:

    Ashlynn is going to have to live with some degree of disability for her entire life.

    Call me delusional, but I really thought I could fix this. I really thought I could expert in this and get her all the help…and the RIGHT help she needed and we would overcome this, and by overcome, I mean soon.  Like, really soon.

    It has been very, very, very painful to realize this isn’t going to happen on my timetable.

    My husband has told me before he feels he has a better understanding of Ashlynn’s reality than me.  I would scoff.  Impossible.  He doesn’t know anything.  (love you babe).  I’m the expert in this.  I am NOT in denial.  I know the problems and we’re going to attack and beat them.

    Well, I think this year has been revealing to me what my husband knew all along.  I have been in denial.

    I should have known.  I mean, afterall, I’m the mom who when filling out a disability state park pass to get a discounted rate, actually felt guilty about it telling myself that even though Ashlynn will grow out of it, if the state approved it I wasn’t cheating.

    Hah!  I actually felt like I was cheating when filling out a state disability pass and I didn’t think I was in denial?

    Can I shake my head anymore??  It’s an approved disability because Ashlynn HAS a disability.

    UGH

    Do I need to write that in black and white to sink in?  It should be obvious by now.  I can’t fix this.  No matter how many continuing education credits or certifications I get, I can’t fix this.  A wise woman who has walked this road before me, had a “hard” conversation with me recently (which I appreciated). However, it went something to the effect of how she wasn’t sure I was truly accepting Ashlynn for who she is, and if I don’t, how that could truly be to her detriment.

    Deep breath. Breathe in…..breathe out.

    Everything I do is for her benefit.  Could I truly be behaving in a manner that was to her detriment?

    I have realized that I have.   I need to realize there is another hill we are yet again tumbling down, and after we reach the top, there will be yet another hill quite possibly that we will be facing, and at first falling backward on.

    As I type that though, I think of life in general.  My life without a disability.  The hill metaphor is still relevant.  Life is not a ride on smooth waters.  Life always throws a wave, a dip, or a hill in the way, regardless. Though I would trade places with Ashlynn in a second, perhaps she is learning early what some adults may spend their entire life trying to learn.

    A life worth living is about struggles, because without struggles you could never feel triumph.
    A life worth living is about sadness, because without sadness, you could never truly feel happiness.
    A life worth living is about defeat, because without defeat, you could never truly feel success.

    A young man with apraxia in the UK, Mikey from Mikey’s Wish, reminded me recently that learning issues Ashlynn will have to tackle herself, but the greatest gift I can give her is just my support.

    It doesn’t seem like enough, but I don’t think I can “fix” her anymore.  I can though, hold her hand and squeeze it when she’s sad or when it’s hard.  I can’t take away her disability, but I will walk through every fire with her to overcome it.

    I still feel like we are tumbling down another hill, and though I can’t promise her I can carry her to the top, I can at least promise I will hold her hand and die trying to get there

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  • Anxiety as a special needs parent feels like…..

    Anxiety as a special needs parent feels like…..

    Anxiety as a special needs parent of Childhood Apraxia of Speech feels like……

    It’s my fault. Endless intrusive thoughts wondering what caused it, and despite coming up empty, still feeling like somehow it must have been something you did.

    I’m not doing enough. Despite working tirelessly and endlessly for your child, you will continue to see her struggle, and it feels like you have missed something; and the enormity of the responsibility is crushing.

    Doubt, doubt, and more doubt. There is always a decision to make in parenting, and it feels like there are never any easy answers, only tough choices, and you’re never sure you have made the right one.

    I’m failing. Thousands of dollars dumped into therapies that help, endless restless nights, tireless fights, but still seeing low scores leaves feelings of failure…and nothing is worse than feeling like you’ve failed your own child.

    Getting on and off the bus at the wrong stop over and over. Even after months, sometimes years of therapy, you still feel like there is no end. When one area seems to improve, another area of concern arises.

    I’m falling. Out of touch with friends, family, life outside of therapies, and yourself.

    Exhaustion. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally.

    Never ending worry. Am I doing enough? Will my child make friends? Will he/she be successful? Will people see past their disabilities and see their abilities?

    The weight of the world at times. A result of all of the above.

    Lonely. Finding support and others who truly understand this journey is difficult. Isolation is real.

     

    Thank you to Kendra Jenkins, an apraxia mom and advocate who commiserated and collaborated with me to write this simple, but hopefully powerful post.  There is nothing easy about being a special needs parent, but there is always a silver lining, and the silver lining is finding others who can bring you comfort simply by saying “me too.”

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    Me and Ashlynn
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    Kendra and Talan

     

  • An open letter to millennial cynicism, indifference or neither?

    An open letter to millennial cynicism, indifference or neither?

    Non-profit.

    What does that word mean to you exactly?  No really, I have over 300 email subscribers, 1300 fb subscribers,  and….this can’t be right…but according to my statistics I see 10,000 visitors per month.  That’s crazy considering I get maybe 40 likes on a good day on my fb page and a couple comments per month on the blog.  I know SOMEONE is reading this blog though,  so sincerely, I want to hear from you.

    I never thought about non-profits much before I became involved with CASANA. My family is Catholic, so my mom donated (and still does) to Little Sisters of the Poor, St. Jude’s, and I think…maybe some veterans group because my dad and her dad are veterans.

    When I started a family of my own, I followed in my mom’s footsteps donating to St. Jude’s and a couple of  times to March of Dimes.  My sister donate (s) (ed) to St. Jude’s too and at one point we had the conversation that the free stuff they send us with their mailers, which include note pads and address labels has at this point, exceeded the price in the donation we actually sent in!  Basically, what good was our donation actually doing?  It didn’t stop us from donating though.

    Well, then I had a daughter, and then she went onto have delayed milestones, and THEN she went on to be diagnosed with Childhood Apraxia of Speech, and THEN, I found CASANA.  CASANA…which in my mind was this HUGE non-profit.  Actually, though, I didn’t KNOW I had found CASANA at the time.  In my sad, lonely hour of desperation, I found a facebook group called “Apraxia Kids: Every Child Deserves a Voice.” It had a bunch of followers, so it seemed legit.  Only problem was, I had to request to join!  Why is that a problem, you ask?  Well, let me put it this way.  When your children go to bed, and you are awake, and one of them has just been diagnosed with a rare disorder….you have questions, you are sad, you want to meet someone….ANYONE…who knows what you are going through. Oh, and I’m a millennial, and I like things NOW.

    I was approved very quickly. Yes!  Score!  I read through some posts and posted my own.  I was sad and lonely and needed someone to tell me it would be okay.  Numerous people responded quickly.   I liked that. I hate to admit I’m that typical millennial…but instant gratification..yep.  This was my group!  One of them was Sharon Gretz.  That name meant nothing to me at the time, but she was kind, and welcoming, and seemed to understand.  I went on to post many, many more posts from my first.  Each time I was met with wonderful and supportive comments, and most of the time, Sharon would comment as well.  I’m not quite sure how long I was in the group, but I realized Sharon knew her stuff.  This Sharon lady got it.  Then I realized, this Sharon lady was the admin to the group.  She basically ran it and moderated it.  I appreciated her dedication to not only helping and responding to me, but to most of the posts that were written.

    Through the group I found out an apraxia conference was coming to Denver, where I lived.  My daughter was dx the previous year and I KNEW I had to go.  The conference seemed big and important.  I knew Sharon would be there and she asked people to say hi to her.  I still had not connected CASANA to apraxia-kids.org in my mind.  I actually never gave it a though that Sharon ran a non-profit and was behind the fb group but also the conference.  Seriously, not one thought in my mind.  I knew she was connected to apraxia though and she would be there.

    I met her and it was awesome.  There are only so many times I can talk about the encounter, so read more of my blog if you are interested.  I sat with a group of SLP’s who talked about a bootcamp.  This was when I first realized that apraxia-kids, the fb group and the website, was connected to a non-profit called CASANA.  I started to realize that Sharon was the founder.  After that conference, I had decided I wanted to get into bootcamp, but I also felt guilty because I had no money or funds to donate to CASANA.  I remember telling a previous bootcamp graduate and excellent SLP in NY Christine Murphy, that I felt incredibly guilty to know I had taken so much from CASANA and wasn’t able to give back.  As many parents who read this know, having a kid with apraxia means a lot of money goes to therapies since most insurances don’t cover.  She told me not to worry.  She said she had seen I was active in the apraxia-kids fb group, and THAT was giving back to CASANA.

    That really hit home with me.  It made me wonder why that was giving back.  Why would responding to posts be giving back to CASANA?  Then I realized.  Sharon takes her job as admin to that group very seriously.  She wants to give people help and advice, and not just ANY help and advice, but quality advice.  I remembered how she had approved my request to join late at night, and then answered my post. I realized in that moment, Sharon works more than her 9-5 for that non-profit.  She literally works around the clock.

    I was accepted to the bootcamp, and that’s where I REALLY understood the connection.  I met most of the CASANA staff members and was blown away.  These two women were once moms like me, who founded this non-profit not only of the love for their children, but to help other moms in their situation…moms like…ME.

    CASANA was offering this costly intensive training for minimal cost to the SLP’s attending it, so that quality therapy and expertise would be available to families spread out through the entirety of North America.  Yes friends.  Many neighbors to the north…aka…Canadians were there.  Sharon was VERY clear at the start of bootcamp that her expectation for every SLP in that room sitting before her would be dedicated to CAS education and awareness.  I actually was a little scared of disappointing her, her expectations seemed so large.  However, I KNEW this was a woman dedicated to the cause and dedicated to her non-profit.

    After bootcamp, I went back to my Denver community and through a course of a conversation with Sharon realized the Denver Walk wouldn’t happen. As most of you know, this is what prompted me to become a walk a coordinator, and actually, my last post highlighted for me that this is how MOST walk coordinators around North America find themselves in the same position.  That was kinda news to me.  As I mentioned in my last post, I met another CASANA staff member through this endeavor named Justin, and if there were ever a person meant for his job as event manager…it’s him.  Calm, encouraging, kind, and supportive; despite 90 other walks taking place nationwide, Justin never makes you feel rushed or that you don’t matter.  Encouraging, passionate, and ALWAYS positive, Justin will help any person coordinating a walk feel they are the best.  We need him!  He talks to ALL 90 of us every year as part of his paid position.  The walks literally could not happen if we weren’t taking directions from Justin.

    That is why I was so taken aback to receive a private message the night after my walk from a random person in the U.S.  She was concerned about a post I made in the Ronda Rousey: Knock out Apraxia group in which I said 85% of funds go back to the community.  She said I was “mis-leading” donors.

    People, let’s just say she caught me on the wrong day.  I literally get this post after I am sitting on my couch, utterly worn out and exhausted from coordinating a walk of over 400 people….for FREE.  Literally, the last thing I need/want to hear after spending months and hours of my free time coordinating a walk for a non-profit I know personally now and believe in, is how I am misleading people.

    NO

    F that.

    What is wrong with this generation?  I actually typed that in and found this enlightening article. http://www.givinginstitute.org/news/258798/Breaking-Through-Millennial-Cynicism.htm

    Why doesn’t my generation trust non-profit’s anymore?  I wish I could say this woman was an outlier, but I don’t think she is.  My own husband the year I first coordinated the walk (and this was after I had received all this education from CASANA for only $500 and a plane ticket to go to bootcamp) asked me about the company’s money.  We actually pulled up the public IRS form.  I can’t recall exactly what it said Sharon made, but it was less than our salaries and I reminded him she literally worked around the clock.  She answered me in the wee hours at night when I needed her.  I’m not saying she does that all the time, but she  did that time.

    Something being touted this year, by others and by myself was that 85% of donations go directly back to the community via research, education, grants for therapy, and iPads for kids. This percentage was based on an independent audit of the 2014 form.  The reason for an audit and not just looking at numbers like the public can do on the IRS form is, if one were to JUST look at the money spent on grants or on iPads, it does NOT take into account the person (or persons) behind the scenes getting paid to process that paperwork and do the dirty work.  You can’t just look at one number that shows what is donated, without taking into account that some salary money ALSO made that happen.  It’s just common sense.  You can’t have CASANA donating this and that without someone behind it actually processing it.

    Oh..and what about the walks that actually bring in most of the donations.  They have two staff members helping 90 volunteer walk coordinators with that task.  TWO.  They rely on volunteer coordinators to  maximize the amount of money going directly back into programs and grants.  These people shouldn’t have to work for free!!  Yes…gasp.  They have a salary.  If they weren’t there, no walks could happen period. Volunteers can do a lot, but we can’t do everything.  Let me tell you, these two people work beyond their 9-5.  I have had them email and message me back and give me their private telephone numbers so they would be available on the weekend when walks take place.  That should speak volume to their dedication. They DESERVE their salary and work over their salary and shouldn’t be scrutinized and judged.

    I told this person that the Denver community had benefited greatly.  I knew numerous families who had received an iPad, and literally know tons of families, including myself,  who have now received the grant from Small Steps for therapy.  Oh, and we also have THREE SLP’s in the area who have been trained by CASANA under their “education” agenda.  That’s three SLP’s available to consult, provide differential dx, and to also see kids with apraxia for therapy ensuring they get the best possible therapy.  Folks, that is DIRECTLY affecting our community, and just because it’s not categorized under “therapy” on an IRS document, it doesn’t mean it wasn’t the outcome.  Just ask my clients, or the other bootcamper’s clients, or the people who have attended any presentation we have given.

    That brings us to research.  This person was concerned that in 2014, 30K was given to a research study.  Gasp.  How dare they?  I mean, really, what is the alternative?  CASANA should invest thousands of dollars into helping kids get speech therapy that doesn’t work for apraxia?  Seriously people, that is not an exaggeration.  Apraxia is THAT serious of a speech disorder.  If you are reading this blog and have any familiarity with apraxia at all, you know that is a potential outcome of the disorder, no matter HOW MUCH therapy you have.  We need research so we know what to do!!  So that the future generation of SLP’s currently in graduate school are TAUGHT what to do, unlike me.  If it wasn’t for CASANA, I still wouldn’t know how to help my kid!  I helped her for a year using what I thought were “research based” interventions….and they were…but NOT for apraxia!

    Finally, lets talk awareness.  Have you ever told someone  your kid has apraxia and they didn’t know what that was?  Okay let’s all have a good laugh now!  bahahahahahahaha

    I mean, parents reading this are ALL nodding their head right now and being like yeah…most people I say apraxia to don’t know what is is.  So guess what we need?  AWARENESS.  We need people to be aware so our kids can get the help and understanding they need for their unique needs and profile.  Guess what this takes?  A PERSON driving that.  A person who gets  a salary.  CASANA makes TONS of graphics, informational brochures, inspirational and informational memes for all of us to share spreading awareness. Apraxia Awareness Day is now a THING thanks to them.  I’m not quite sure what category that falls under on the IRS form..but I’m thinking it’s probably salary.   I could go on but this post is getting long.

    Bottom line is, why are we so cynical of non-profits?   I know it’s partly because major ones make the news14344244_1657729304539794_3707920287651978254_n about scandals, but people, CASANA is not this organization.  If it were, do you really think 90 volunteers nationwide would commit to coordinating walks that take an unfathomable amount of work and time?  All 90 of us know the staff members at CASANA and we don’t get ANYTHING in return than what CASANA offers to EVERY child and family affected by apraxia: quality research, education for parents and professionals, speech therapy grants, and iPads for kids.  We don’t get anything more, oh wait, I take that back.  They gave us a picture frame last year to frame our favorite walk picture.

    Come on!  Stop the cynicism.  Support the cause!  Our children need you!  Our children deserve a voice, and CASANA is working tirelessly!  With event managers texting on weekends, to the executive director responding to fb posts written by  desperate sad parents at night, CASANA is a non-profit dedicated to making sure every family feels supported and EVERY child has a voice!

    Oh, and as a last word, I do really want to hear from you.   What does the word non-profit mean to you?  Does it incite doubt and suspicion or hope and inspiration?  Maybe, you just have never thought about it much and indifference is the best word to use?  I don’t know.  That’s why I’m asking this last one is NOT rhetorical.  Tell me your thoughts.

     

     

     

     

     

  • An open letter to siblings.  Always be there for each other.

    An open letter to siblings. Always be there for each other.

    Jace, not only have you had an EXCELLENT and continued start to the school year, I am so proud of you for your behavior at this year’s apraxia walk.  I know it’s not easy to see Ashlynn get a medal for apraxia, and you don’t understand why.  Not yet anyway.  Either way though, you stick by her side, held the sign during the walk, and supported her the best way you could.

    You asked me why you didn’t have apraxia, as though it was something to want to have.  Though this makes me happy for Ashlynn’s sake, it also makes me sad.  One day, when you understand what apraxia is, you will also understand it is not something to envy, and because of it, this may be the only award she earns during her school career.

    I see you in karate.  We put you in this so you had something to be proud of that was just your own! It worked. Your motor skills are developing at lightening pace speed.  As your mom, it’s remarkable to witness.  Both your grandfathers on each side were very athletic.  They had great “natural ability” as my dad describes it.  You have that too.  I see it.  I want you to remember Ashlynn cheers you on at your karate classes.  She is your loudest supporter when you earn a new belt, and I want Ashlynn to remember how you were there for her too at her apraxia walk; cheering her on and holding her sign when she got tired.

    My dad, your grandfather, is a BIG believer in family.  He’s like this because his youngest brother, my godfather,  died at 27.  I don’t think he’s ever forgiven himself for it, even though it was not his fault.  He always told me though,  had his brother called family…aka  him…aka your grandpa….he wouldn’t have been dead.  He wanted to make sure the same for me and my siblings, and I want to make sure the same is true for you and Ashlynn.  Regardless of your fights or squabbles, at the end of the day, family MUST always be there for each other.  That is the blessing of a family.  That is the gift of a family.  Family is love, and as Corinthians reminds us:

     Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always hopes, ALWAYS perseveres.

    Whatever the challenge, a parent’s greatest wish is that her children, whom she loves equally, will be there for each other as well.  In my absence or presence, I always want you two to “have each other’s back.”  The world can be cruel.  It can be lonely….but one thing you should always be able to count on is your family.

    This year, even cousins came.  1st cousins and 4th cousins!!  My heart literally swelled.  To have that kind of support is a blessing, but it’s also taught.  I was taught to be there for family, and I wish to instill the same value in you.

    14457282_10209596581326649_7248040040945328588_n
    4th Cousins!!
    14462711_10210979479827569_2005191587867944417_n
    First cousin Kayla!
    14479623_10209596581766660_16131218871236585_n
    3rd and 4th cousins!

    I’m proud to be part of this family.  I’m proud of both of you! Don’t ever take for granted or squander the blessing of your family.  You will both drive each other crazy at times and you will hurt each other at times, but always remember, love is not easily angered and it keeps no record of wrongs.  Please always love each other like you do now.  That is my greatest wish.

    I love you both so much.

    Love,

    Mommy

    Love,

    Mommy