A letter from Ashlynn? To my future self….
Original post date appeared 9/7/15
Starting this blog, I had intended to spread awareness in my small part of the world and hopefully help some others along the way. Life is funny though, because unexpectedly, the comments from others in response to my blog ended up giving hope back to me.
Today was one of those days. Started out normal. Hectic morning, trying to pack two backpacks, a diaper bag, two lunches, my briefcase, and get us all out the door with clothes on our bodies and shoes on our feet. It sounds easy people, but with a 5 and 3 year old, it is ANYTHING but….easy.
Sigh
Anyway, I think I rolled out of here 10 minutes late. I dropped the kids off and wheeled into the parking lot to work. I can’t really check facebook when I’m doing therapy, so I logged in right before stepping out of the car. That’s when I discovered a message. I hope he doesn’t mind me sharing it so I’ll keep it anonymous, but it brought tears to my eyes. Reading it, I felt like I was nearing 50, the time I’ll be when Ashlynn is his age. I truly felt like God had sent a message to me, a glimpse into my life just 15 years from now, and I instantly felt a calmness wash over me.
“Hello, I’m not quite sure how to say this I’m not very good at messages, In fact I never do this. Let’s start this off by saying I’m a 21 year old paramedic from canada. I also have global speech apraxia. I also just read all of your blogs on your daughter and it brought tears to my eyes, it reminded me exactly of when I was young. It also reminded me how I couldn’t be who I am right now without my mommy. I’m telling you this mainly because I want you to know that the role you’re playing in your daughters speech pathology is unmeasurable. I can not thank my mother enough. I know she must be tired she took me to speech pathology for years. I’m also saying this because you need to know that your daughter will never forget how bit a part you’re playing, I know I never do. I also want to thank you. For what ever reason I always felt so alone in the world like I was the only one struggling so hard with speech. I remember my first girlfriends mom didn’t like me because “I talk like a retard”. I always felt so alienated. Your blog just gave me some peice of mind into knowing that I’m not alone. I know your daughter is much younger than me but I went though her struggles and it’s going to be okay. So thank you for that. I’m rambling now I’m not even sure if you’ll see this. Oh well I’d you have any questions Please feel free to contact me here on Facebook I’ll answer anything. Sorry for the long message I really needed to get this out. Thank you.”
I’m not really a cryer. People couldn’t believe I didn’t burst into tears seeing Ronda Rousey’s personal message to me. I don’t know. Crying in public isn’t me. I cry, but to myself. I prefer it that way.
As I looked up from my phone, I realized I had to wipe some…. tears? What was this?
What a gift! How incredible that someone who said he never writes, felt compelled to write; and in doing so, allowed me, if even for a moment, to forget the attention issues, the writing issues, the knowing her lunch number issues, and oh my God are we ever going to make it through Kindergarten issues`……
and smile…and cry…..because he gave me hope that Ashlynn will feel and maybe say those very things someday. I remember the day she was diagnosed my only wish was that I wouldn’t let her down,
…and in those brief seconds as I read his words, I got to feel Ashlynn was him and I was his mom. We had made it out of the woods and I had in fact, not let her down.
I ran across this meme looking for a graphic for this post and found this. When I started blogging I desperately wanted hope. I wanted to know the future would be okay. I am determined that the final blogpost will be all those things and more, but today I could feel, if just for a moment, my dreams fully realized.
