Lessons from a bicycle: Just keep pedaling
Ashlynn is 8 1/2 years old. Currently, she is riding this big girl bike, and yes, it still has training wheels; although the wheels are much smaller and looser than they have ever been. Last year she took quite a tumble and refused to ride it, but this year she is back on it and pushing harder than ever before.
Due to the severity of her dyspraxia, we have increased her time in private OT to 2x a week along with the OT and PT she gets in school. The new private OT place is VERY focused on bilateral coordination, balance, strength, and sensory issues. We noticed a difference right away in terms of her sensory issues, but we are also noticing a HUGE difference in her strength and increased endurance.
She could TOTALLY, TOTALLY ride without training wheels, but she has a few more obstacles. One is that different variables aside from a smooth plane throw her off. This was true when she learned to walk too. She could walk provided the surface was even and smooth; however, once anything changed she was falling to her knees. This could include the slightest incline going downhill, uphill, or slant in the road. Well, the same is true for learning to ride a bike as well.
I should also mention, she doesn’t have typical reflexes thanks to her dyspraxia either; so where most children would at the very least put their legs down to help catch themselves, Ashlynn panics and ends up falling over.
As I watched her tonight at the park, a wave of sadness rushed over me. It’s so weird, these cycles of grief. l know Ashlynn has dyspraxia. I know it will take her longer to overcome this obstacle, and I also know she WILL overcome it. However, I start to worry. Am I doing enough? Am I helping her enough? What about those special needs bicycle camps another mom told me about. Should I have picked that this year instead of choosing to send her back to the $3000 special needs camp she loved and adored last year? After all, there is only so much money to go around. Am I choosing the right thing?
On the way home, she was gaining confidence. Where I walked beside her on the way to the park, I was now jogging and at times running to make sure I kept up on the way home. She was doing great with her balance. We were riding on the sidewalk, and she would only tip over when going past a driveway where there would be a downward slant. I would run beside her and steady the handle bars. I started to notice though that she would stop pedaling during these times. I encouraged her to KEEP pedaling through the hardest obstacle, which was the driveway. I realized the reason she was losing her balance wasn’t necessarily because of the driveway, or obstacle; but because she would STOP pedaling during it.
It reminded me recently of a white water rafting trip we just took the kids on. I joked (but was dead serious) that I only slightly panicked most of the time. On the bus ride to the drop off, the guide was going through all of the safety precautions and I started to freak out. Truth be told, I actually go to the bank of the river and told the guide we weren’t going. Fortunately for me and my family, he convinced me to get on the raft. This after I explained dyspraxia and her difficulties with balance and coordination and my concerns for her safety and ability to follow directions if bumped out of the raft.
He told me he would put me right behind her, would have straps my kids could hold onto for balance, and during the times he didn’t need me to paddle, I could hold onto her shoulder. However, he did say that when he told us to paddle, he NEEDED us to paddle because that is what was going to ensure the best stability in the raft for getting through rapids. I struggled with my fear. I looked at my kids eager to go, my husband shaking his head at me disapprovingly for threatening to allow my fear to ruin the fun; but then ultimately I thought of Ashlynn and how she faces every fear head on and I knew I had to do the same and do what the guide told me to do. I put every ounce of my being into paddling when he said to paddle and made sure I was in step with my husband’s paddle on the other side.
During the times I didn’t have to paddle though, yes, I was holding her shoulder. 
‘
Not to make excuses, but I did watch this girl drown once and I still can’t re-read that post.
Anyway, back to the bike. At the driveways I kept yelling “keep pedaling Ashlynn.” She stopped after awhile and told me she wanted to get off and walk her bike home.
“No, Ashlynn. I’m sorry. I’m not yelling at you okay? I’m proud of you!! I’m just telling you that to get through the hard parts you have to KEEP pedaling okay? Remember last weekend when we went white water rafting and our guide told mommy and daddy to keep paddling during the really big rapids?”
“Yes,” she replied hesitantly.
“I was really scared Ashlynn. I was so scared if I didn’t have my hand on your shoulder you would pop out but I knew to get through the rapid as smoothly as we did I had to keep paddling and not stop.”
“Yeah?” she said.
“Yeah baby. So that’s all okay? Don’t give up!! During the hard times we have to keep paddling. You have to keep pedaling and you won’t fall okay?”
She looked ahead of her with grit on her face and she flexed her thigh muscles and started pedaling again. I ran beside her all the way home.
As I was reflecting, I remembered a moment on our camping trip we came back from yesterday. She was sitting with her Grandma and baby cousin reading “Brown Bear” to her. I took this video, and when she caught me she said with a big grin,
“I want to be a teacher mama.”
As I hugged her tonight, I told her,
“You already are.”
