Report cards are bittersweet with special needs
End of the year is here! Summer is around the corner and the excitement of summer is palpable. There is something else though that is tangible I hold right before the excitement of summer. It’s a small manila envelope that holds the children’s report cards.
When I was a kid, I LOVED report card season. My report card was always glowing. I couldn’t wait to take it home and show my parents who would shower me with accolades and possibly reward me with ice cream. I could not WAIT to open up that envelope and see the delicious and positive contents hiding inside.
Ashynn, my first born child with apraxia and related learning disabilities was the second time aside from myself that I had looked at report cards. I remember opening up her first one and feeling like someone had sucker punched me. Despite her working hard every night, and going to therapy almost every night, the scores were more than concerning. The grades were absolutely devastating.
Yes I KNEW she has on an IEP. Yes I KNEW she had a modified curriculum and the report card shows her performance based on same aged peers. Yes, I KNEW that. It didn’t make the blow any less intense. How was it fair?? While other kids played soccer or did gymnastics, mine spent every spare minute in a therapy and yet she was still behind. Again I ask you, “How is that fair??” As she went through first grade I started taking longer and longer to open that envelope. You have to work up to putting yourself through that kind of pain again.
Ashlynn is in second grade now. Her manila envelope aka report card was sent home first. I saw it in her backpack. Yes, I saw it. I never pulled it out. Why would I? I know what I’m going to see. I’m going to see that in spite of the fact that she has therapy after therapy and tutoring after tutoring after school; she remains dificient in most areas of her life. Despite her positive attitude, her resiliency, and her stellar attention to task and work ethic in therapy…she has true disabilities that will persist throughout her entire academic career and will be highlighted by the scores on her report card.
Yeah so that report card. It kinda makes me sick. I have to work up to reading it and it usually takes a couple of weeks.
One day later a same manila looking envelope ended up in my son’s backpack. I found myself excited and ready to tear into it! I had a hard time waiting until we drove home. I was over the moon to read the narrative,
“It has been a pleasure to be Jace’s Kindergarten teacher. He is outgoing, inquisitive, and comes to school excited to see his friends. He is a hard worker and determined to do his best. He takes great pride in his work.”
I looked at the description with awe. The same could have been written about my daughter with disabilities, yet, this person, MY SON, had scored all three’s (A’s) and my daughter still remained far behind.
My daughter is outgoing, inquisitive and loves to see her friends too. She is a hard worker and is determined to do her best. She takes great pride in her work too.
The next morning I received a text from her special education teacher.
“Did you read A’s Progress Report yet???”
I had been caught. I felt ashamed, but I wrote back honestly and said,
“Looking at her report card is so painful I have to work up to looking at it. It usually takes a week or more.”
She wrote back that after her IEP in March she had completely revamped her programming and she encouraged me to look at it. I thanked her and sighed a heavy sigh. I wanted to see all the progress which would be on the special progress reports that are added to the report card based on her IEP (Individualized Education Plan) goals, but I would have to look at the report card too which I knew still had low scores. I looked at the two manila envelopes lying on the floor in the living room. One opened, and one un-opened. I want to read all the wonderful progress, but I’m just not ready to get punched in the gut today with the other papers sitting behind it.
Not yet.
I will.
I promise I will.
I just can’t face it yet today.
