The day she had enough!
When I was in 1st grade, a little boy kept kissing me on my head. After the third time, I told my mother in exasperation. I explained that even though I kept telling him to stop, he still kept doing it. That night, both my parents had decided my mom would go to school the next day and let the teacher know and put a stop to it.
“Nooooo,” I remember begging. “He’s trying to be nice!”
“You just said you don’t like it and you want him to stop,” my mom said matter-of-factly.
“Yes, I know, but if you go in there he will get in trouble and I don’t want him to get in trouble,” I pleaded.
My parents stood firm. No meant no. The boy did get in trouble, and I did feel terrible, but as a woman now, I realize the message that sent to me then. No meant no…everytime. Even if I thought someone was trying to be nice, no still meant no if I didn’t like it. I didn’t have to pretend. I shouldn’t pretend.
My 6 1/2 year old daughter with speech apraxia got in the car last Friday.
“I’m tired mommy,” she sighed.
Oh no. My senses went on alert. She never says she’s tired, like ever. She must mean she’s sick.
“Are you sick honey?” I probed.
“No. You know E? He hits me and bats at me, and GOSH! I AM TIRED!”
Oh wow. She means she’s tired of someone bothering her. I asked if she had told the teacher and she said no. I asked if the teachers had seen it, and she said no. I told her to tell the teacher, and she just said ok with an unconvincing smile. She told me again she was tired, and then said,
“I don’t like him mommy.”
Wow! Ashlynn has NEVER said she doesn’t like someone. Not even to me or her dad or her brother when she’s mad. I kinda chuckled inside. I recalled a conversation between the boy’s mother and Ashlynn’s grandma in which the mom had said how much E loves Ashlynn. He’s obviously acting that way because he likes her. I was about to say that when I thought of this meme I had seen on facebook about a month ago:
No means no. It didn’t matter if he liked her. I told her I would talk to the teachers Monday and she seemed visibly relieved. It’s hard to know all the time because of how much apraxia impacts her word finding, but I could see in the rear-view mirror her entire body heave a sigh of relief. This girl who has always maintained everyone is her friend, this girl who when she was bullied in preschool still maintained the bully was just, “sad,” this girl had had enough and needed help. I’m so glad my response was to tell a teacher and not tell her he’s just being mean because he likes her.
No means no, Ashlynn, everytime. A boy who loves you is a boy who respects you, and I will always have your back on that one. I’m just so thankful you had the words today to tell me, and that I understood.
