I need to remember they are my sunshine, when skies are gray.
I always say they aren’t any easy answers, only tough choices in this game of parenting. Sometimes, I think I know too much. The special education teacher approached me yesterday about placement for Ashlynn going into Kindergarten. Her attention is such a problem. It could be related to the apraxia and sensory processing disorder, or it could be something else. Who the hell knows. I know she was giving me professional courtesy by asking what I thought would be best, but I have no professionalism when it comes to my children. I’m their mama, plain and simple. It is just tooo hard to be both.
I could tell this woman was clearly hinting toward a program called ILC. It basically means a more restrictive special education programming where Ashlynn would have a teacher’s aid assigned to her, but it would be integrated full time into the Kindergarten classroom FML. Decisions, decisions.
I don’t want her to have that “label.” Yes I know, I’m an SLP and I work with those labels everyday and yes, I love each and everyone of those kids.
I also know this. I know that this past week my colleague was working with a high functioning kiddo with ASD, also in “ILC.” He is also mostly mainstreamed in regular education, holding his own. The class was doing a compare/contrast assignment on characters in a story. He did an amazing bubble map and flow chart and compared the characters, even comparing their feelings. When he went back to class, the SLP had him share his work, including the great insight on the character feelings. The teacher responded, “oh, well he could have just said one was a boy and one was a girl.” I’m sorry, but I had to wonder, was it because this boy was in ILC? He had come up with something way more abstract than just one was a boy and one was a girl…but whatever.
I had pretty much already decided last night Ashlynn wasn’t a fit for ILC. I mean sure, extra teacher support would benefit her greatly, but she can do this. Don’t underestimate her. Oh, and may I mention I came to that decision easily (meaning tears).
Then today happened. The one day I’m not at my daughter’s school, I come home to find out my daughter “ran away” at recess, and no one found her until they did a head count. She was still on school grounds “collecting rocks in a bucket with a friend” when they found her.
So….is this the wake up call I need to admit my daughter needs this special programming? If she had a teacher’s assistant, she would never be out of someone’s sight. Ugh. I hate this!!!
Oh, and did I mention the social worker reminded me I still hadn’t filled out the “the Vanderbilt.” For those of you that don’t know, that’s a test for ADHD. Again, FML. All these decisions are freaking overwhelming.
Then, as I was going home, my mother-in-law who watches my kids told me that Ashlynn, exasperated over something today exclaimed, “bummer!!” When asked who said that, she matter of factly told her, “my mommy.”
Smiles
Oh, and Jace sang “You are My Sunshine” all the way through today. Yep, he learned that from me. I sing it to them every night.
And I remembered. That is what life is about. Not the special programming, the teacher’s aid, the ADHD test, the “running away and, and, and…….
Life is about my rays of sunshine. Everytime. Everywhere. Always. No matter what. I wouldn’t trade it.
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are gray. You’ll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine(s) away.
