That moment someone cried because they know “what she’s going through.”
When Ashlynn was in preschool, there was a sweet girl in her class I’ll call J. Her mom and I hit it off right away. Her mom is currently a stay at home mom, but she was a teacher before that. We have similar ideas on parenting, discipline, and just raising kids in general. We had a few play dates and the girls got along great. Her daughter is typical developing, but she was very shy in preschool, and well, Ashlynn couldn’t talk, so they got a long great too!
Ashlynn, J, and Jace at Fall Fest
This year they are in the same Kindergarten class. They are good friends playing on the playground at recess, holding hands, and sitting next to each other. J is a big reason I never worry about Ashlynn having friends anymore.
About two months ago, J’s mom caught me in the hallway and told me I should have Ashlynn join Girl Scouts. With Speech, OT, and swimming, Ashlynn’s schedule is jammed; but J’s mom also caught Ashlynn’s Grandma one day, and Grandma said she was more than willing to take Ashlynn over to Girl Scouts. I work on those nights, so it was really up to my husband and he agreed, so now Ashlynn is a Daisy Girl Scout.
Since we registered late, the girl scout troop leader offered to have Ashlynn over on a Saturday to catch her up on things. I was surprised she had googled apraxia and was very interested in making sure this was a positive experience for Ashlynn. I later found out she has had a hearing impairment from birth, and likely went through many of the expressive and receptive language delays Ashlynn currently experiences.
Every time I see her she tells me how much she loves having Ashlynn in her group. When I went to the induction ceremony, she looked so proud when Ashlynn said her line (even if Ashlynn was holding her letter upside down and not showing!). I had a feeling Ashlynn must have worked her way into this woman’s heart, but I wasn’t sure….until today.
Ashlynn and her Girl Scout Troop leader at the induction ceremony
I went to drop off some money we have collected. The girlscout leader was once again telling me how wonderful Ashlynn is. I was agreeing politely when she turned around and I saw tears in her eyes.
I probably looked puzzled, and she quickly explained, “I get so misty eyed because you know, I know what she’s going through. I know how hard it is and yet she comes every time with a big smile on her face ready to try.”
I studied her face. It was so genuine. This woman did not have apraxia, but she had a language disorder when she was younger and she saw herself, she sees herself in Ashlynn. I was sure of that now.
I never thought about it that way. That line,
“I know what she’s going through.”
It hit me. Ashlynn is “going through” a lot. She’s not dumb. She knows her challenges. I think I’ve done a good job to normalize apraxia for her and she knows her challenges are because of apraxia…..but they are STILL challenges.
“I know what she’s going through.”
I can’t get that out of my mind. I think I know what she is going through. I have degrees and certifications that prove I know. I also am her mom, which makes me a pretty good expert on her…..but I will NEVER know the way this woman knows, what my little girl is “going through.”
I sent a text to two SLP mommy friends the night I met the leader. My exact words were, “I know it’s not a coincidence. I wonder why we met.”
I think I am finding out.